Monday, October 29, 2007
Are Kids Getting Too Much Praise?
October 29, 2007, 10:03 am
New York Times
An excess of praise may be doing kids more harm than good.
A cover story in this month’s Scholastic Instructor magazine asks whether kids today are “overpraised.'’ The concern is that by focusing on self-esteem and confidence building, parents and teachers may be giving real goals and achievement short shrift. The article cites a recent study in which eighth graders in Korea and the United States were asked whether they were good at math. Among the American students, 39 percent said they were excellent at math, compared to just 6 percent of the Korean eighth graders. But the reality was somewhat different. The Korean kids scored far better in math than the over-confident American students.
The notion that you can praise a kid too much is heresy to parents and teachers who have long believed that building self-esteem should be the cornerstone of education. If kids believe in themselves, the thinking goes, achievement will naturally follow. But confidence doesn’t always produce better students. Scholastic cites a 2006 report on education from the Brookings Institution’s Brown Center that found that countries in which families and schools emphasize self-esteem for students lag behind cultures where self-esteem isn’t a major focus.
The problem with this “rah-rah mentality,'’ as the magazine describes it, is that it can take away the sense of satisfaction that comes from genuine achievement. “Self-esteem is based on real accomplishments,” Robert Brooks, faculty psychologist at Harvard Medical School, told the magazine. “It’s all about letting kids shine in a realistic way.”
The downside of too much praise is that kids may start to focus on the reward rather than what they are learning. Worse, failure can be devastating and confusing for a student whose confidence is based on an inflated ego, rather than his or her actual abilities, the magazine notes. This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t praise our kids or that teachers shouldn’t try to engender self-confidence. But self-esteem should be the result of good grades and achievement, not false accomplishments.
Last month, Cognitive Daily reported that parents and teachers should be specific rather than general when they dispense praise. An example of general praise is telling a child, “You’re smart.'’ Specific praise would be to say, “You did a good job reading,'’ or “You did great on your math test.'’ Kids who receive general praise about their abilities are more likely to exhibit “helpless” behavior when they encounter problems with learning, compared with kids who receive specific praise about their achievement on a task. The reason: a child who knows she’s a smart girl feels defeated if she has trouble reading a sentence. But a child who has been told she is a good reader is more likely to have confidence in that specific ability and work a little harder to tackle a more difficult book.
14 comments so far...
*
1.
October 29th,
2007
10:15 am
Even when I was young (I’m in my 50s) the trend of praising kids just for existing was setting down taproots. (It’s considered heresy to slam Mister Rogers, but he was one of the great proponents of it.) Kids are smarter than you think, and I for one could always tell when I was getting undeserved praise on the principle that, as Lewis Carroll put it: “Everybody has won, and all must have prizes!”
I wonder if part of the issue with the Korean kids is that they are allowed to fail, with the expectation that trying and failing is how you learn. American parenting nowadays, at least in this upwardly mobile tristate area, is high-pressure, and American parents are so over-invested in their children and so micromanaging.
— Posted by ACW
*
2.
October 29th,
2007
10:27 am
I am a concerned parent of school-aged children where the over emphasis on praise/accolades for behavior and accomplishments trumps what should be just normal expected behavior. Good grades and good behavior do not need to be universally praised/celebrated each school quarter. As for Korean students being the model- yes the humility factor is strong but the psychological fallout for those who do not make the grade is definitely overlooked. There has to be a happier medium than these two extremes of what not to do.
— Posted by MLF
*
3.
October 29th,
2007
10:31 am
Praise, excessive or otherwise, is no substitute for paying sufficient attention to children. Today’s childhood obesity epidemic is sure sign of widespread low self esteem.
Much be particularly emotionally tough for our mostly overweight adolescent girls.
The sooner we straighten out our insane borrow and spend economic policies, and end taking on repeated financially ruinous unsuccessful wars, the sooner we’ll restore stable, affordable family life so our children will be properly cared for.
— Posted by MARK KLEIN, M.D.
*
4.
October 29th,
2007
10:49 am
Good article. Most parents have been too easy going. There’s been an increasing number of children who grow up not having any discipline or good role models. Most of the pop icons should not remotely be considers role models. Parents, while ‘overworked’, should still take part in their children’s lives. Schools, governments and other institutions are no substitute for good parenting. Yes, there is a lot of junk and bad influence in the media. However, as parents, they should be moderating what their children are exposed to and explain right from wrong.
— Posted by Good article
*
5.
October 29th,
2007
11:07 am
The real problem in US schools is the insane system of funding public education via property taxes which works great in only rich districts.
— Posted by massimo
*
6.
October 29th,
2007
11:24 am
The name of this column, as it’s typeset, puts me in mind of Jack Benny’s response to the blindingly obvious.
Which, in the case of today’s topic, is particularly apt.
— Posted by Rochester
*
7.
October 29th,
2007
11:57 am
Good topic. I’m aware of this issue and struggle a little w/ it when I work with my 20 month old. Maybe he’s a little young to worry about this, but I do wonder how to achieve the right balance between helping him establish an intact sense of self-esteem and making sure he also feels an internal push to challenge himself and do better.
I’m not interested in pushing him into achievement programs for pre-schoolers, or getting involved in the rat race of ‘the right kindergarten.. the right college, etc..’, like I see other parents doing. I am interested in making sure he feels nurtured and loved (and I think he does), and in helping him find hobbies and activities that challenge him and help him develop different skill sets. Of course, I want him to excel in school, but I think that the key there is actual achievement, not pandering to esteem. (I.e. a push and a couple of well-placed “you can do better than that” nudges are appropriate, coupled with specific positive feedback.)
By the way, I wonder why schools feel the need to help children establish positive self-esteem; I think the responsibility for that lies squarely with parents. I know that parents are not always doing this successfully, and so I’m grateful for other adults being interested in a child’s welfare, but parents need to do their job so that schools can pay attention to the core mission of teaching.
— Posted by as
*
8.
October 29th,
2007
12:24 pm
Tara’s post raises the right questions. Kids are being praised too much, and it’s leading to all kinds of problems. In the DC area, there is an excellent non-profit parenting education program called The Parent Encouragement Program (PEP), which educates parents on how to encourage their children rather than praise them. It is based on Adlerian psych and uses Rudolf Dreikurs’ classic text “Children: The Challenge” as its core text. Check it out.
— Posted by Lynn from Organicmania.com
*
9.
October 29th,
2007
1:59 pm
YES! Too much praise. I see it all the time. While I am not a parent, I am a volunteer tutor at the local elementary school. We are not allowed to tell the kids they are “wrong”. We are supposed to say there is a “better answer”. That’s bunk if you ask me.
This “self esteem” boosting, which has been going on for years, is now creeping into adult life. For example, for years, I have been an avid runner and have participated in many races. Recently, the race organizers have started awarding medals to all finishers, which, IMHO, takes away the sense of accomplishment for the runners who have actually placed in the top 3.
Also, the younger generation at work seems to want the responsibility and all that comes with it (title, bonus, high salary) just for showing up! And try telling these young kids that they’re wrong.
— Posted by Sharon
*
10.
October 29th,
2007
2:41 pm
We actually had a local school system consider NOT recognizing a valedictorian at graduation, for fear of damaging the self-esteem of the rest of the class by singling one student out. Come on, people! I guess, by that reasoning, the Red Sox and (whoever else was playing - I’m not a sports fan) should both have gotten trophies, just for showing up and putting forth their best effort. Gag me.
— Posted by ag
*
11.
October 29th,
2007
3:08 pm
I love myself unconditionally… I love myself unconditionally… I love myself unconditionally…
— Posted by Mark Forstneger
*
12.
October 29th,
2007
3:18 pm
I think that it’s a fair comment I’m sure everyone wants to be praised, especially kids. It definitely helps to boost their self-esteem and gives them the confidence to face challenges as they get older. You guys should check out the articles written by Dr. T. Berry Brazelton on the New York Times syndicate site. Dr. T. Berry Brazelton is a very credited professional in this area. Here is the site: nytsyn.com
Good Luck!
— Posted by Ellen
*
13.
October 29th,
2007
3:25 pm
While this trend is personally aggravating, especially for my peers impressed with the value of humility since childhood, I cannot help but accede that the products of this feel-good, you’re a star-behavior, have an edge when they enter the highly competitive job market. I have stood by and seen friend after friend, each more highly intelligent, qualified, and dedicated than the rest, lose job after job to classmates, acquaintances, and ex-co-workers who were far less qualified than they are, but simply better orators and proponents of their perceived skill sets. Our society rewards the big talkers, the confident swagger of a man or woman who think they are 9 feet tall. Those, sadly, are the ones who push above the pack in the field of finance, investment, sales, and real estate.
— Posted by j.a.g.
*
14.
October 29th,
2007
3:35 pm
In the public school setting in Florida, teachers will actually be marked negatively on an evaluation for giving general praise to students. The ideal is to give academic praise which stresses the correct answer (when a child has answered a question appropriately), but also praises/affirms the process of thought for the benefit of the entire classroom.
I agree with most of the comments…too much praise in general–focusing on the ego, rather than the process of thought and education.
— Posted by Jay
October 29, 2007, 10:03 am
New York Times
An excess of praise may be doing kids more harm than good.
A cover story in this month’s Scholastic Instructor magazine asks whether kids today are “overpraised.'’ The concern is that by focusing on self-esteem and confidence building, parents and teachers may be giving real goals and achievement short shrift. The article cites a recent study in which eighth graders in Korea and the United States were asked whether they were good at math. Among the American students, 39 percent said they were excellent at math, compared to just 6 percent of the Korean eighth graders. But the reality was somewhat different. The Korean kids scored far better in math than the over-confident American students.
The notion that you can praise a kid too much is heresy to parents and teachers who have long believed that building self-esteem should be the cornerstone of education. If kids believe in themselves, the thinking goes, achievement will naturally follow. But confidence doesn’t always produce better students. Scholastic cites a 2006 report on education from the Brookings Institution’s Brown Center that found that countries in which families and schools emphasize self-esteem for students lag behind cultures where self-esteem isn’t a major focus.
The problem with this “rah-rah mentality,'’ as the magazine describes it, is that it can take away the sense of satisfaction that comes from genuine achievement. “Self-esteem is based on real accomplishments,” Robert Brooks, faculty psychologist at Harvard Medical School, told the magazine. “It’s all about letting kids shine in a realistic way.”
The downside of too much praise is that kids may start to focus on the reward rather than what they are learning. Worse, failure can be devastating and confusing for a student whose confidence is based on an inflated ego, rather than his or her actual abilities, the magazine notes. This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t praise our kids or that teachers shouldn’t try to engender self-confidence. But self-esteem should be the result of good grades and achievement, not false accomplishments.
Last month, Cognitive Daily reported that parents and teachers should be specific rather than general when they dispense praise. An example of general praise is telling a child, “You’re smart.'’ Specific praise would be to say, “You did a good job reading,'’ or “You did great on your math test.'’ Kids who receive general praise about their abilities are more likely to exhibit “helpless” behavior when they encounter problems with learning, compared with kids who receive specific praise about their achievement on a task. The reason: a child who knows she’s a smart girl feels defeated if she has trouble reading a sentence. But a child who has been told she is a good reader is more likely to have confidence in that specific ability and work a little harder to tackle a more difficult book.
14 comments so far...
*
1.
October 29th,
2007
10:15 am
Even when I was young (I’m in my 50s) the trend of praising kids just for existing was setting down taproots. (It’s considered heresy to slam Mister Rogers, but he was one of the great proponents of it.) Kids are smarter than you think, and I for one could always tell when I was getting undeserved praise on the principle that, as Lewis Carroll put it: “Everybody has won, and all must have prizes!”
I wonder if part of the issue with the Korean kids is that they are allowed to fail, with the expectation that trying and failing is how you learn. American parenting nowadays, at least in this upwardly mobile tristate area, is high-pressure, and American parents are so over-invested in their children and so micromanaging.
— Posted by ACW
*
2.
October 29th,
2007
10:27 am
I am a concerned parent of school-aged children where the over emphasis on praise/accolades for behavior and accomplishments trumps what should be just normal expected behavior. Good grades and good behavior do not need to be universally praised/celebrated each school quarter. As for Korean students being the model- yes the humility factor is strong but the psychological fallout for those who do not make the grade is definitely overlooked. There has to be a happier medium than these two extremes of what not to do.
— Posted by MLF
*
3.
October 29th,
2007
10:31 am
Praise, excessive or otherwise, is no substitute for paying sufficient attention to children. Today’s childhood obesity epidemic is sure sign of widespread low self esteem.
Much be particularly emotionally tough for our mostly overweight adolescent girls.
The sooner we straighten out our insane borrow and spend economic policies, and end taking on repeated financially ruinous unsuccessful wars, the sooner we’ll restore stable, affordable family life so our children will be properly cared for.
— Posted by MARK KLEIN, M.D.
*
4.
October 29th,
2007
10:49 am
Good article. Most parents have been too easy going. There’s been an increasing number of children who grow up not having any discipline or good role models. Most of the pop icons should not remotely be considers role models. Parents, while ‘overworked’, should still take part in their children’s lives. Schools, governments and other institutions are no substitute for good parenting. Yes, there is a lot of junk and bad influence in the media. However, as parents, they should be moderating what their children are exposed to and explain right from wrong.
— Posted by Good article
*
5.
October 29th,
2007
11:07 am
The real problem in US schools is the insane system of funding public education via property taxes which works great in only rich districts.
— Posted by massimo
*
6.
October 29th,
2007
11:24 am
The name of this column, as it’s typeset, puts me in mind of Jack Benny’s response to the blindingly obvious.
Which, in the case of today’s topic, is particularly apt.
— Posted by Rochester
*
7.
October 29th,
2007
11:57 am
Good topic. I’m aware of this issue and struggle a little w/ it when I work with my 20 month old. Maybe he’s a little young to worry about this, but I do wonder how to achieve the right balance between helping him establish an intact sense of self-esteem and making sure he also feels an internal push to challenge himself and do better.
I’m not interested in pushing him into achievement programs for pre-schoolers, or getting involved in the rat race of ‘the right kindergarten.. the right college, etc..’, like I see other parents doing. I am interested in making sure he feels nurtured and loved (and I think he does), and in helping him find hobbies and activities that challenge him and help him develop different skill sets. Of course, I want him to excel in school, but I think that the key there is actual achievement, not pandering to esteem. (I.e. a push and a couple of well-placed “you can do better than that” nudges are appropriate, coupled with specific positive feedback.)
By the way, I wonder why schools feel the need to help children establish positive self-esteem; I think the responsibility for that lies squarely with parents. I know that parents are not always doing this successfully, and so I’m grateful for other adults being interested in a child’s welfare, but parents need to do their job so that schools can pay attention to the core mission of teaching.
— Posted by as
*
8.
October 29th,
2007
12:24 pm
Tara’s post raises the right questions. Kids are being praised too much, and it’s leading to all kinds of problems. In the DC area, there is an excellent non-profit parenting education program called The Parent Encouragement Program (PEP), which educates parents on how to encourage their children rather than praise them. It is based on Adlerian psych and uses Rudolf Dreikurs’ classic text “Children: The Challenge” as its core text. Check it out.
— Posted by Lynn from Organicmania.com
*
9.
October 29th,
2007
1:59 pm
YES! Too much praise. I see it all the time. While I am not a parent, I am a volunteer tutor at the local elementary school. We are not allowed to tell the kids they are “wrong”. We are supposed to say there is a “better answer”. That’s bunk if you ask me.
This “self esteem” boosting, which has been going on for years, is now creeping into adult life. For example, for years, I have been an avid runner and have participated in many races. Recently, the race organizers have started awarding medals to all finishers, which, IMHO, takes away the sense of accomplishment for the runners who have actually placed in the top 3.
Also, the younger generation at work seems to want the responsibility and all that comes with it (title, bonus, high salary) just for showing up! And try telling these young kids that they’re wrong.
— Posted by Sharon
*
10.
October 29th,
2007
2:41 pm
We actually had a local school system consider NOT recognizing a valedictorian at graduation, for fear of damaging the self-esteem of the rest of the class by singling one student out. Come on, people! I guess, by that reasoning, the Red Sox and (whoever else was playing - I’m not a sports fan) should both have gotten trophies, just for showing up and putting forth their best effort. Gag me.
— Posted by ag
*
11.
October 29th,
2007
3:08 pm
I love myself unconditionally… I love myself unconditionally… I love myself unconditionally…
— Posted by Mark Forstneger
*
12.
October 29th,
2007
3:18 pm
I think that it’s a fair comment I’m sure everyone wants to be praised, especially kids. It definitely helps to boost their self-esteem and gives them the confidence to face challenges as they get older. You guys should check out the articles written by Dr. T. Berry Brazelton on the New York Times syndicate site. Dr. T. Berry Brazelton is a very credited professional in this area. Here is the site: nytsyn.com
Good Luck!
— Posted by Ellen
*
13.
October 29th,
2007
3:25 pm
While this trend is personally aggravating, especially for my peers impressed with the value of humility since childhood, I cannot help but accede that the products of this feel-good, you’re a star-behavior, have an edge when they enter the highly competitive job market. I have stood by and seen friend after friend, each more highly intelligent, qualified, and dedicated than the rest, lose job after job to classmates, acquaintances, and ex-co-workers who were far less qualified than they are, but simply better orators and proponents of their perceived skill sets. Our society rewards the big talkers, the confident swagger of a man or woman who think they are 9 feet tall. Those, sadly, are the ones who push above the pack in the field of finance, investment, sales, and real estate.
— Posted by j.a.g.
*
14.
October 29th,
2007
3:35 pm
In the public school setting in Florida, teachers will actually be marked negatively on an evaluation for giving general praise to students. The ideal is to give academic praise which stresses the correct answer (when a child has answered a question appropriately), but also praises/affirms the process of thought for the benefit of the entire classroom.
I agree with most of the comments…too much praise in general–focusing on the ego, rather than the process of thought and education.
— Posted by Jay
# posted by Cate @ 4:55 PM 
